May God not let me be partial in giving out His Word because we serve a God who is not partial in His judgment. I love women and I love being a woman but boy oh boy, some women deserve the whip when it comes to the way they deal with their spouse. What has gotten me so inflamed are just the real life stories that I hear sometimes about the treatment that some women give to their husbands just because they have an upper hand financially, emotionally and socially. Before you get riled, let me just say that I know that men are mostly the culprits in this area but I find out that there are women who match them blow for blow.  What does the word of God say?

In Genesis chapter 2 verse 20 of the Bible, when Adam had given names to all cattle, birds of the air and every beast of the field, it is recorded thus, “But for Adam, there was not found a helper comparable to him” (NKJV). Our God is interested in our well being and so He will not give a blessing that adds sorrow to it. Take the case of this woman who works as a nurse while the husband works as a security guard. Her own mother lives with them in the house and she’s into every aspect of their lives. She would sit with her daughter who talks down to her husband while she cheers her on as the sometimes silent onlooker. It is obvious that she does not approve of the man who brings too little home in terms of finances. His mother cannot even visit their home freely! A marriage like this usually ends in divorce or separation.

King David in the Bible is a man who most people see as the great worshipper through the stories that we read about him. One of the most compelling even as I thought about this topic is his relationship with his wife Michal, the daughter of Saul. It is obvious from a study of their relationship that she had no respect for her husband and did not place herself on a spiritual level that will compliment him. When David and the people of Israel decided to bring the Ark which represents the presence of God back to Israel from the house of Obed-Edom, he did it with pomp and pageantry. As he returned with music and dancing, Michal looked through a window, and saw him dance before the Ark on the street, and despised him in her heart. The book of 2 Samuel 6:20-21 recorded their exchange. Michal said sarcastically as she came out to meet David, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maid of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” David replied her, “It is before the Lord who chose me instead of your father and his entire house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord. And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humbled in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor” Wow! What a war of words. Does it sound familiar?   How many times have you had this kind of fight with your husband before guests or family members?

I believe that if Michal who according to 1 Samuel 18:28 loved her husband was able to understand his needs and what drove him to do the things that he did especially concerning the service and worship of the Lord, such negative emotions would not have surfaced. This caused her to lose favor with God and her husband and never had a child.

Wives must always remember the vows that they made before God either privately or publicly. Many of these weddings are accompanied with a lot of celebration but turn sour after about a year or two. This is sometimes because a lot of expectations are not met. A couple desiring to be married must have a high level of understanding of each other and the issues that they will be confronting on a daily basis. The directives from the word of God as written in Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives submit to your own husband, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the savior of the body” It goes on to say that wives should be subject to the husband in everything. Now, if situations do arise where the man is not meeting the standard expected of him, there are ways to resolve issues instead of resorting to insults and demeaning behavior. The same scripture in verse 33 emphasizes this, “ … let the wife see that she respects her husband’’ Some women are vocal in the way they disrespect their husbands while others give him the silent treatment, turning the atmosphere into that of a cold war.

There are some key things that each wife must know:

• Do not let your mother dictate the pace of your relationship with your husband. Godly advise is welcome from mothers but there those who want to control and dictate how you run your home. You have to have control of your own situation. What is required of each woman – mother or wife is prayer and conformity with the word of God!
• Learn to have private discussions with your spouse instead of airing your dirty linen in public. I am sure that what transpired between David and Michal would not have deteriorated into her getting such a curse from her husband. The conversation later in their bedroom could have gone differently because if she made her comment because of lack of understanding respectfully, David as the high priest and head of his household would have taken time to educate her.
• Do not let your social standing or the people you relate with affect the way you treat your husband who may be an introvert. You knew that before you married him! If he is content to let you shine, you must give him his due respect. Sarah, Abraham’s wife in the Bible showed great honor to her husband calling him lord. If you have friends whose sole purpose is to discuss your husband negatively, it is time to keep them at an arm’s length.
• Do not let the altar of prayer and praise go cold in your home. “Oh my husband is not even making any effort to make it happen” You just do your part and the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

Christmas is approaching. How many souls have entered into the kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ or stayed in it because of you this year? There is still time to enlist as an ambassador for Christ. Jesus is Lord!

Grace Eledan is co-Pastor Leaders Church Intl. and the founder of Women Aflame Intl., a friendship network, intercession ministry and charity organization mentoring and mobilizing women to be more productive in their spheres of influence. She can be reached on (718) 503-2580 or www.womenaflame.org Also follow us on Face book.  Intercessory line open every Monday night from 9pm-10pm on (712) 432-0800 Access code 330528#.