Over a number of years I have had the opportunity to speak to different women from different nationalities that are living in different countries about issues that confront us as women in marriage.

One of the most prominent issues is that love is missing in the equation. The reason that many marry is based on lust, economic or social reasons rather than love, and when the reality of everyday life sets in after the wedding ceremony, the novelty wears off and problems start.

Many marriages are of convenience. Every woman must examine her motives for entering into a marriage relationship because any other reason other the perfect will of God, genuine love and attraction to each other which is referred to as chemistry, usually leads to a lifetime of heartache. That chemistry is necessary because it speaks of a foundation upon which your emotions towards each other are established. Apostle Paul stated in 1Corinthians 7:36 “But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It’s not a sin” This proves that there must be some deep emotions binding the two that will propel them into marriage.

 

I know that God will not bring two people together who are ready to kill each other at the slightest provocation.

In a lot of the situations, it is either that God was not consulted before entering into the marriage or self will is dominant in each or one of the individuals involved. Many people have anger sitting right under the surface. Where there is no genuine love and a sound foundation in the word of God, the situation quickly deteriorates.

 

Every woman who has had to wait till at least thirty years of age or their late twenties before getting married stands to be bombarded by well wishers from the family and community with questions as to when the joyous time will be and to who. The pressure from all of this can lead a woman to make speedy and wrong decisions. Many times you enter into a marriage with a sure conviction that you will change the man’s domestic habits, the way he dresses, talks (you may probably want to teach him phonetics), pick out his friends and so on, the list is endless. The truth is that you cannot change him. Think about it, it is almost impossible for anyone to change you too except by the Holy Spirit and the word of God.

 

There is the story of a woman who got married to a man who had been living in America for at least twenty years. Even though he had lived that long in the United States, his mindset was to go and marry a woman whom he will be able to keep in check because according to him, the women of this culture are too independent. He wanted someone who will satisfy his ego as a man. The mentality of some men is that women are to be seen and not heard. He did not follow the biblical principle of loving the woman and seeing her as a help-fit. Instead he saw her as someone who will enhance his economic status.

The woman on the other hand was genuinely looking to settle into a blissful marriage and because she felt that she is now ‘old’, decided to settle for the man who was available at that time. At this point we can see that the motives are opposed. This did not make for a good foundation in the marriage. They were not compatible socially, religiously, physically and in spite of every effort to make it work, it fell apart and ended with much bitterness.

All of the heartache attached to the story above could have been avoided if the woman was not under pressure to prove to the world that ‘I made it to the altar too ’

 

In some situations, women marry because of loneliness or just the need to procreate. Just because another human being is around you does not mean that loneliness will just vanish. If you make the mistake of marrying someone who also has emotional issues which has not been dealt with, your situation will be compounded. God is interested in our relationships. The book of Psalms chapter 68:6,

States, “God places the lonely in families...” (NLV) Let God be the one that will settle you. You cannot do it on your own.

 

Seeking Counsel

Many people have made very serious mistakes in choosing life partners. They rely on friends and family to tell them that it is OK to marry that man because he is rich, connected, or handsome. All that glitter is not gold. The best counselor is the Holy Spirit when you pray and stay in close fellowship with God. I understand that some of the people reading this may not know Him. You can. Find out more information from the number below.

 

In his book titled ‘If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!’ Dave Meurer says, “There is really no such thing as a match made in heaven. Rather God has chosen to grant us a match made in Sheboigan or Mineapolis or wherever you happen to live. It is all very earthly, with lots of ups and downs, stupid arguments, hurt feelings, and saying “I’m sorry will you forgive me” He states further,

‘A great marriage is not when the “perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect man and imperfect woman come together, crazy for each other, and learn to accommodate, and even come to enjoy their differences’

Happy fishing…….

 

Rev. Grace Eledan is the founder of Women Aflame Intl.., a friendship network, intercession ministry and charity organization mentoring and mobilizing women to evangelize. She is also co-pastor of People of Faith Intl. Church. (718) 503-2580