You may get more than you bargained for………

“And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said Thou must come in to me; for surely I have hired thee with my son’s mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.”

The story of Leah is probably one that most modern day women can relate to. She was given to her husband under false pretence. Her sister Rachel was supposed to be the bride but their father swapped them because he had determined that according to the custom of the land, the younger sister cannot be given out in marriage before the elderly one. Jacob went in to his wife on the wedding night and did not realize that he had made love to the wrong woman.  Many marriages are entered into whereby the two people involved have only considered the superficial content of their union. When daylight comes, reality sets in. Talk about looking into the future and seeing only a lifetime of struggle to gain the affection of your husband.

I had the privilege of speaking to a woman recently that seemed so confused about her own situation. This person was married to a man she claims she had a lot of chemistry with for many years. He disappointed her and married someone else. She eventually picked up the pieces and met someone who she is currently married to. Somewhere her story got complicated because another man was introduced into the story. This other man is closer to her spiritually and in other ways than her current husband. In the mean time she still reminisces about how good it was with the first husband. Sounds very confusing indeed!  My counsel to this woman who also claims to be a born again Christian is that she needs to first of all sort out her relationship with God. What is fundamentally wrong is that she is yet to understand the real love of the heavenly father.  When that is resolved, she will then be able to enjoy a normal relationship in marriage, with family and with friends instead of running around with unhealthy emotions.

Having Children for a man is not enough to make him love you.

Leah was a victim of the circumstances of her time. Her situation led her into a fierce competition with her sister. She was desperate for her husband to love her as many women are today. God opened her womb and gave her children but she still wanted more because despite the fact that she conceived ever so easily and gave Jacob sons, he still did not have any passion for her. There are many women who believe that if I can only be pregnant with his child, he will love me. The story usually changes and the man has to be begged to even acknowledge the child as his. There is the story of Tamar who was the sister of Absalom in the book of second Samuel chapter 13. Her own brother Amnon lusted after her and schemed until he got her into bed. Immediately he had his way with her, he hated her. Do not give yourself to a man because you are lonely and desperate for some attention. Most of the time, you get more than you bargained for. As an immigrant in this country, it is possible to be very lonely. Do not allow any man to siphon your material and spiritual strength because you are desperate for some immediate solution to your chaotic emotion. If you allow yourself to be in that situation, you will discover that you systematically lose your self esteem.

God loves you just the way you are!

When you develop a close relationship with God you will discover that other relationships will not be so enslaving. The Lord whose we are when we submit to Him, says in Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee…..”  Salvation is not of works, lest any man should boast. You do not have to bring gifts to God before He can love you. He already does. Some women spend time cooking, cleaning and giving money to a man so that he can love them. When that person is finally rejected, it can cause the individual to go into deep depression. If your husband only sees you as an instrument to gratify his fleshly desires, it is time to pray. You are created for more than that. Let the giant in you come out in Jesus’ name!

Rev. Grace Eledan can be reached on (718) 503-2580 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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