I read an article in a Women’s magazine recently and it steered my mind to examine the issue of women who get entangled in what is termed an emotional affair. This is a situation that begins very subtly and if care is not taken, can consume the person and destroy a perfectly normal marriage relationship.  I say normal concerning marriage because relationships go through many stages, extremely passionate love, the plateau stage where there is an even flow and everything is normal and stable, and then there are times when it seems like each one is preoccupied with their own life’s schedules and seem more than anything to be moving in different directions emotionally, socially etc.

An emotional affair is when you get attached to someone other than your husband emotionally so much so that it consumes you. You secretly desire that person’s company more than your husband, although you tell yourself that nothing is happening because there is no physical contact. The words of denial are usually, “oh, nothing is happening.” Who are you deceiving? You know in your heart that everything within you is crying for help.

The woman whose story appeared in the Gem magazine under ‘Help! My friend is having an emotional affair’ is said to be one who has an enviable life, a high flyer, head of a multinational company, organized home with many helps at her beck and call. Her children are academically sound and her husband is a top executive in one of the big banks and to crown it all, she is not just a Christian but also a senior Pastor’s wife. Many times we think that certain things only happen to other people who are not as grounded as we are but the truth of the matter is that if you do not watch and pray, the enemy can come in at anytime to steal our devotion to God.  The woman referred to here was so burdened that she confided in her friend that she is having an affair. The writer added that she was so shocked that she rolled out a series of questions – Why? When? With who? The friend replied and said, “It’s not what you think. I have not slept with him and I do not intend to. It is only an emotional affair”

The situation with the woman above developed because someone had contacted her via facebook. He was a former boyfriend who is also married and lives in another country. The initial pleasure of hearing from an old friend soon developed into more intimate conversations.  They had not reconnected face to face but they were reconnecting voice to voice, mind to mind, and heart to heart with the computer or phone. In the ordinary mind, this may seem harmless but Jesus said in Matthew Chapter 5 verse 28 that, “... anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Think about it. Who is that man on the job or from your past that has become your confidant? He probably knows things about you that even your husband does not know. He is ever ready to offer help and a listening ear. God forbid that the situation at home is tense, he becomes an emotional outlet. You find yourself comparing him with your husband and getting irritated when your man does not measure up. The relationship may not be physical yet but you are courting disaster.

BREAK IT OFF NOW!

Olabisi Ibitayo of Gem magazine wrote, “If you are in some type of affair now (emotional or physical), I urge you to end it.” Stop feeding the addiction by keeping the communication alive. Be alert to slippery slopes. Do not go surfing on the internet for past loves. Beware of confiding anything too personal, especially your marriage woes to members of the opposite sex. Run from sexual immorality.  Ephesians 5:3 states, “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named amongst you, as becomes saints” It is also necessary to examine your prayer life. You may have become comfortable talking to that person than to God. Those are distractions. Renew your fervency for the word. You have the greatest counselor right there.

To reach Grace Eledan, call (718) 503-2580 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it For Women Aflame Intl. Prayer line: Every 1^st& last Monday of the month on (712) 432-0800 Access code: 330528#

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